What amazed me, though, was that she did not WANT to have a "positive attitude." She was angry and wanted to stay that way. She blames today's poisonous, cancerous, ubiquitous chemicals for her breast cancer and for the increase in cancer generally. It may be that she is right, but I still can't agree with her attitude.
For me, the issue is: we have to spend about 6 months in the Country of Cancer (as it's called in a poem a friend sent me -- see poem below). During that 6 months, we can choose how we want to spend our time. For me, I would never choose to spend 6 months angry. Such a waste of time! What a loss of all that humor (black humor -- often the best and most useful. My own mother has come up with one: "Beauty and the Breast." !! Little wonder where I get my sense of humor...)
Perhaps my attitude is selfish. Hers may be creating more awareness of healthy food, healthy air and healthy water. Doing more to fight environmental degradation. On the other hand, it would be selfish of me to inflict my anger on my kids, who did nothing to cause all this. One thing I've found about anger (and joy and humor, actually): it's equal opportunity. It likes to spread itself around and doesn't look for "appropriate targets." It begets itself. And I'd rather spend time with humor, positive attitude, and up-beat-ness.
Off to the Country of Cancer
by Liam Rector
It comes on.
Comes on with the word,
A doctor's word,
The doctor saying cancer.
"But do I have cancer?"
"Yes, cancer."
Doctor has to say cancer
One more time
Before the cancer
In me
Becomes the word
I give over to it.
"What then
Will we
Do?" (A we
Enters
Quickly, to calm
The alone
Setting in
Quicker,
And then I
Let go of the we
Altogether.)
"We'll do
A regimen of chemo
And radiation and hope
For the best." "Well, that
Sounds like something. You're sure
I have cancer?" "Yes,
Cancer, that's it."
I'm glad I'm not THAT lady's sister. Love the poem.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is great. When someone delives a message in anger people tend to focus on the anger NOT the message. I'm glad Im not that lady's friend!
ReplyDeleteWhile I try to be nice about all the women in this unpleasant sisterhood, I find from reading B.E.s previous work that she is a self-serving elitist snob. So while I"m sorry she got breast cancer, I have to say she is about the last person I would look to for advice on how to handle it.
ReplyDeleteI worry about posting here because after almost 20 years of close dealing with the medical industry, I can be pretty bitter, myself and I hate to be a downer. Because the fact is, for my 6 months of chemo and 2 months of radiation, it was absolutely critical to be positive. Whenever possible--everybody has their moments of course.
And I totally agree about black humor. During the year of mastectomy through treatment and reconstruction my friend Betty was absolutely appalling! She used to pepper her conversation with things like "be sure and keep me abreast of the situation" and "come to dinner, we want you to be in the bosom of your family!" It's nice to be sympathized with, but it is ever so much more important to laugh!
Ann
As for Ann worrying about posting here -- I've known Ann for FORTY, count 'em, FORTY years, and I can say with certainty that I have never known her to have a finer and more positive attitude than she has had with MaryAnne's cancer. She's been an excellent pal to me all these years, but I believe she really hits a high point when being a friend to a person with cancer. Makes me proud to know her.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad for your posts, Ann. You can be bitter and negative, but only for a few sentences at a time, OK!
ReplyDeleteAnd, for black humor, your friend Betty has my acquaintances beat, hands down. "Absolutely appalling" sure covers those jokes!