Absorbing the news of cancer

The most amazing thing to me was how I went from "amazingly healthy" (well, except for quite-a-few extra pounds) to "cancer survivor" in one split second when the pathologist uttered those dread words: "Unfortunately, it is cancer."

But wait, you don't understand: Winnifords are pioneer stock! We are amazing specimens of Scottish vigor! We hardly ever even get sick! How could such a healthy person have cancer? And none of the women in my family have ever had breast cancer, how could I suddenly be the first? Me -- the strong, the vigorous, the ever-conquering?! To have all that feeling of physical superiority taken away from me in a split second was really hard. Now I'm a cancer survivor, one of the unhealthy, one of the sick -- a blot on my name for evermore. (This attitude hasn't really stayed with me -- see below.)

Getting a diagnosis of cancer when you have known that something is wrong but weren't sure what the cause was, must be quite a different thing. Breast cancer, for many women at least, comes completely out of the blue. One day you're fine, the next day you're "battling cancer."

Interestingly, I don't recall thinking "Why me?" Just "Oh no." Of course, as for all the set backs in my life so far, my attitude was pretty quickly one of "Well, this is another thing to get through. I'll have some surgery and take care of this and then be on my way through the real issues in life." I don't know why I have such a strong attitude toward problems in my life. I guess I've been pretty successful and that is generally how it goes for me.