Feeling fine still and thinking about headware

Neither the chemo nor the shot has made me feel sick. (I did take the Claritin despite the doctor saying I should wait to see if I felt sick first. What harm is there in an unnecessary Claritin, while feeling sick for a week is a big harm). I slept well, had good dreams. I feel a bit shakey today, but not tired or sick or nauseous. Good enough to get stuff done and blog!

Everyone is now agreeing that I will definitely lose my hair and that it will start to happen sooner than I have been thinking. My oncologist, my Mesa State girlfriend who is 3 weeks ahead of me, a friend from church, and the daughter of a church lady, all are saying my hair will start to fall out about 15 days after the first treatment and be coming out in wads by 25 days.

I am torn between going in to have my head shaved as soon as the hair starts to fall out, which may be the week my niece arrives. Or waiting until after she leaves when the hair is really starting to look bad and come out in nasty ways. I am finding that I'm too attached to my hair to shave it off NOW, which some women do as a way of "taking control" of that part of their chemotherapy side effects. They view it as avoiding the pain/sadness/loss of passively watching your hair fall out. They are instead saying "I'm doing this myself, no cancer treatment is making me a victim." I can kind of relate to that feeling, but not enough at this point.

My hair has been a defining feature of my "look" pretty much all my life. As you all know, I have big hair. From high school through college ('70s) it was frizzy and wild -- an A-frame of frizzy hair down from a middle part to my shoulders. (Oddly, the same look favored by my older daughter even though there is now "product" to prevent that particular hair disaster.) In Seattle it got shorter (due to humidity) and then in Texas it became bigger and taller (due to the urge to bigger everything in Texas) and more coiffed. The Titanic movie and the Curly Girl cult of the late '90s moved me to longer, messy ringlet-curls. Grey hair cut it back to shorter curls. Now, its medium short curls dyed darkish blonde in an attempt to look younger and feel better while I job hunt, but it still gives a good 2 inches in height to the top of my head.

So, now as I experiment with scarves, that is the thing that is bothering me the most: my head looks flat. I remind myself of some primitive Neanderthal with a shortened forehead and flat cranium! Very disturbing. However, I wore one yesterday around town and to choir to get myself and my friends used to the idea. It was a dark maroon kerchief-type thing which I didn't think was very attractive, although it went with the new maroon shirt a friend gave me. Friends were actually very complimentary and a couple said I was looking better than I had for the past week. I was surprised.

Today I tried wrapping a huge fringed scarf, winding the ends up and twisting them around my head, sort of a Kaffiyeh look favored by Arab men. It's messy but acceptable, with fringe draping down one side. And warm! It's been extremely cold in Grand Junction this week -- below zero in the mornings and not above 25 all day.

I hear the American Cancer Society has wigs to try on, and ones to give you as well. There are "parties" offered by a non-profit group called "Look Good, Feel Better" (which I've unfortunately missed for the month) that show you how to tie scarves, and have a ton wigs and halos in different colors and styles to try on. (A "halo" is a goofy looking ring/tonsure of hair that shows under hats and scarves but leaves the top of your head open. Apparently wigs are itchy and hot so it's a good way to "show hair" without the whole wig irritation).

They also show you how to do make up that works well with grey-green skin! (Hopefully I'm a few months from that!) Also how to do eyebrows. I don't know if my eyebrows and eyelashes will fall out -- that's less common. I was amazed to see that there are stick-on, real-hair eyebrows! I was telling my sister that I have had "receding eyebrows" for the past several years. From whatever capricious whim of graying hair, my eyebrows have been going gray from the central nose area, moving out deeper into the eyebrow, and also along the lower edge of the brow. Since I am vain, I have been plucking those gray hairs for years, with the result that my eyebrows are now a good 1/4 inch shorter and a much finer line. Gives me a fetching, wide-eyed look, I'm telling myself. Anyway, perhaps I'll just get rid of the whole problem and go with fake eyebrows! Probably not as good a reality as a fantasy, huh? Just like wigs and false teeth and breast reduction/enhancement, etc.

Enough chat about trivia -- me and my Kaffiyeh have to get some work done before the 11 8th graders descend on the house!